Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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