Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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