Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Randomize
