3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
