just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
