She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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