i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
