speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
