In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
