Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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