i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
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