dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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