Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
