i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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