The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
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