This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I wish I only lived at night.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Did you pee in the oven last night??
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
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