as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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