I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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