Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Someone shattered a urinal.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Randomize
