No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
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