whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
