he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
