She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
