you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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