I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
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