she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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