Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
