You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize