life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
