I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Randomize
