last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
