So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
