if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I came so hard my ears popped.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
