I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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