I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize