u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
COCAINE IS GR8
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
