morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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