I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize