I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
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