i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
