please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
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