M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Walk of Shame today included voting.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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