She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
He kissed a someone with a penis
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
