It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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