His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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