im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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