I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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