make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Randomize
