would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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