i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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