u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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