You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize