Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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