The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
