Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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