I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Randomize
