Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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