Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Randomize