Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
