you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
