why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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