i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
