i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
