We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
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