I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
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