DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I love you.
Bad choice
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