I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
