I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
