ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
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