I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Vodka?
Forever.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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