You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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