There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
