Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
