No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
How drunk are you?
Completed.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
