I want to make a zoo with you.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
