Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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