he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Can you bring me the toilet please
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
