Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
