I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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