While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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