I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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