Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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