dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
