Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
