the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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