When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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