using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
