So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
