In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Everclear isn't food dammit
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
