my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
