Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize
