if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
