I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
It's never too late to be topless.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
