Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
