Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize