Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
