You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
