Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Ladies don't puke and tell
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize