Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Randomize
