my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
