where does the pee come out of this thing
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Randomize
