did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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