He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
