I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Randomize
