Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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