I just gift wrapped bread.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize